Tulsa attorney, author and survivor advocate Rhiannon Thoreson is sharing her “big, deep, dark secret” in her new memoir, “My Beauty from Ashes: Enduring the Fire, Becoming the Light.”
Released Oct. 15, Thoreson’s memoir recounts her decades-long journey healing from a brutal kidnapping and sexual assault she experienced at 19 years old.
Thoreson was a student at The University of Tulsa when she was attacked at knifepoint by a man who had already been convicted of the same crime in a separate case. In the aftermath of the assault, Thoreson struggled with feelings of shame and isolation.
“When I was going through it, I felt like I didn’t have anything to look to myself,” she told the Flyer. “I would scour the self-help shelves at bookstores, looking for something that would help me figure out how to move forward, and I couldn’t find exactly what I was needing.”
By revisiting one of the most traumatic moments of her life, Thoreson is hoping to change that. Writing her memoir — which took six years to complete — has been both rewarding and emotionally challenging for Thoreson.
“It’s given me a lot of grace and compassion for why I might have dealt with things the way I did,” she reflects. “Instead of being so critical of myself, it’s given me (the) perspective to understand that there is … no right way to respond to trauma. There’s no right way to heal.”
As is the case with many survivors, it took decades for Thoreson to find the courage to talk about the assault openly. In doing so, Thoreson learned violence against women is “very prevalent. That’s especially true in Oklahoma, which has between 35 to 45% higher rates of rape and attempted rape than the national average.
“Once I started sharing (my experience) … other women started confiding in me that they, too, had experienced sexual violence — and so many of them told me that they’d never told anybody, not even their husbands,” Thoreson said.
Although the attack temporarily derailed her life, Thoreson eventually returned to TU’s College of Law, where she earned her juris doctorate. Now Thoreson helps other survivors as a victims’ rights advocate.
Based on her work with other survivors, Thoreson says “negative interactions” with law enforcement and prosecutors are common. Seeing headlines about Cornell University’s alleged cover-up of a sexual assault a week before her memoir’s release reminded Thoreson that change is needed for survivors to truly get justice.
“I do have hope, but I also have some anger and frustration for how far we still need to go,” she said. “I do think we’re moving in the right direction, but it’s baby steps.”
To order the book and find copies locally, visit rhiannonthoreson.com.
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